Friday, January 19
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Old Thorns 2’s 4-3 Shene Old Grammerians (09/09/17)

The beginning of the beginning of the season 
Saturday saw the start of the new season for the 2’s, welcoming Shene Old Grammarians to the Onion Bed. 
The Onions began the game in the 3-4-3 formation, a shape obviously made famous by the great Merthyr Tydfil side of the late 90s. 
The game started with a kick off, and thats about all that could be said about the first 15-20 minutes, chances were like the pizza after the game in short supply. 
The deadlock was broken by the Onions halfway through the first half via a set piece. Keats, like the many other great British poets Milton and Chaucer before him, used creative wit from the free kick, just off the halfway line, to orchestrate the opportunity for that Welsh Guy to score at the back post.
“It was never a penalty”, the joy of the goal was short lived. Handball. The ref gave it, was it a penalty or wasn’t it? – I don’t know, I was watching the ladies fun run across the field. The penalty was struck well, heading into the off corner, only for Charlie to pull off a great save. But that smile, last seen during his first year Freshers, was wiped from his face with the ref reciting a rule we’d never heard of and ordering the retake. The second attempt was comfortably converted and the game was back even. 
Shortly after the equaliser, there was a bit of handbags in the middle of the park. Ken complaining that his opposite had touched his face and his makeup would now require a touch-up. Jamie (Player/Manager), seeing the seriousness of the situation, reacted quickly making the substitution, giving Ken the chance to short his head out.    
The Onions were back ahead just before the stroke of half-time. Keats, similar to lots of poets today copying and pasting from old work, created a mirror image of the first goal, again with a header from that Welsh Guy at the back post.  
Half-time was emotional. This due to 2’s having many Liverpool fans within its ranks and them discovering, although they had beaten Arsenal 4 – 0 the previous game, that their side is still terrible.
The second half, very much like the first, started with a kickoff. The home side started slowly, and were quickly punish, conceding a poor equaliser. The goal, which can could be put down to poor communication, must be something that side will have to work on before the next game. The famous words of many a relationship counsellor, “F*cking talk to each other”, can hopefully provide inspiration moving forward.
Following a quiet 10-15 minutes after the goal, the Onions took the lead for the third time. That Welsh Guy again, with a tap in from just outside the box. His celebrations were short lived, hobbling off with a questionable injury. Some say he was more interested in the fun run across the field.
Retaining the momentum of the third goal, the Onions quickly added a fourth. Oli hitting the top corner from such an impossible angle, on the edge of the box, it must be deemed an intended cross.
At 4-2 the Onions paced themselves for the last twenty, sitting back to defend with men behind the ball. The defence held strong until the the final few, where Shene managed to pull a goal back, but it was all too late. The Onions running out 4-3 winners with three points in the bag to start the season.
Match report by Richard Jones